I Never Told You.

What you said. What you did. What happened. I can't never forget. Because it hurts so bad.
You gave reasons. You never showed. You never felt. You never told. You never tried. What I felt was only lies.

Maybe I should have done it a long time ago. Maybe I should have said it a long time ago. Maybe I should have said it when it happens. Maybe I should have said it when you left. Maybe I should have stood up and brought you back.

Now I feel the emptiness. Now I feel the miss. Now I lack the smiles. Now I walk alone. Now I have the space bigger than I ever needed. Now I have no talks with laughters. Now I have my hands on my head instead of my heart. Now I can't see you in my dreams. Now its all dark. Now there's nothing else I could do. Now i'm weak.

That Attitude

You see, all this racist things that have been going in Malaysia is really pissing me off. Malays are racist !! And guess who are those people that are going against this racism acts. The Malays as well.

Wait. So Malays are saying that other Malays are racist? What in the hell is going on to the race called Malays? We stood side by side since before independence and now we are separating because of racism issues that involves us? That is not a right thing to do.

I know that somehow, somewhere we do have the sense of racism in our culture but we are not the only one who has it. Other races do as well. Tell me other races in Malaysia is as equal as they can be? Tell me that i'm lying. Tell me that we never give anything at all to those other races out there.

You know why Chinese and Indians control the economy instead of us ? Because they are together in any sense whenever they fight out there in the reality world. That is why we have Maxis, Digi, Public Bank and some other tall buildings they built. We? Control the government most of the time, yes. But with fighting against each other for the sake of power ? How can we move forward ? The problem with Malays is that we are not being together. Some of us do but not all of us.

That not all of us are those BITCH Malays. Sorry to say but you are.
I hate it when these idiots are saying that we are being racist to others and going against racism but when they got in troubles, they themselves seek help from us, the one they blame. When you got a ticket, you came and find us to clear you shit pile and get loose without nothing. When you want scholarships, you use us as a middle portion to get them. What is that are you doing ? Being equal ? If you are saying that during your whole life, you never ask for help from those government agencies to clear you shit away, then I would say stop bullshitting and tell the truth.

And then to be sensible, you start all this nagging stuff about Malays not being equal, now what the fuck is that? Are you yourself being equal first ? Let me tell you something, the whole Malaysia is never fair. Malays, Chinese and Indians. Same stories. But still we live as normal as possible, why? Because there is still this small part in our hearts with a saying that we are still Malaysians and we should live like one.

Once again, you Malays should stop making all this things about Malay being racist. You are just making you own race weaker every time you do that. Be proud of who you are because you can never change who you are.

This whole world is being racist. It will never stop, but if we stay together as a nation, no matter how racist our races are, we can still survive in peace.

Nicole Atkins- The Way It Is.

An Opening :

SoundfromBehind

Where the appreciation of art is given to the most. Words have meanings and so do arts.

www.akemalh.tumblr.com

قريبا سوف تسمع لي.

If you go away,
This world will be filled with solitude.

All these stories,
Will be faded.

Every happiness is related to you,
There's nothing without you.

I love you and I ask for you,
God, listen to my prayers.

Come let's weave,
Little dreams together.

I promise you that,
I will never leave you.

I want to live with you,
Never will I get angry with you,

Even if my life is taken,
I will never let you go.



I never had you yesterday but tomorrow I will.

Battle.

Whenever you wake up with your eyes open, that reality you're facing is always a new battle for you. No matter what and where you are in this world, battles are everywhere. We keep on thinking why things that we did never got perfect all the time. Why can't we make peace in this world without having guns and bombs dropped. Why can't we smile every time we got scores on tests and exams. Why can't get hold of love with just a step taken.

Somewhere in the middle, we make mistakes and lose the key to our goal. God made it that way for His beings to make us understand that to be happy we always need to try and get what we want. Yes, hoping is right but what is hope without effort? Yes, faith is right but what is faith without trials? All the things we do can always be better. We need to TRY. You will never know that the one you let go is the one you're looking for. No one knows the future and that is a fact we all have to know.

LOST. Its a common word we heard all the time in our lives. Losing is never a bad thing. When we lose the battle we are in, we try again. That is the only way for us to get better. WAR. Losing in a war is better than not going for a war ( with a good purpose ). LOVE. Losing love is better than not trying to love. LIFE. Losing in a part of a life is better than sitting down doing nothing. Its worth the fight.

We battle every second in our lives. We just have to keep going. Keep trying. Keep the strength. Its a faith only when we find the door to the key we hold. God is always right. If He is not true then there will be no planets and universe. There will be no inventions and revolutions. There will be no rings and marriages. Everything we do will always work. Once you fail, stand up and walk again. Once you drowned, swim back up and take your breath. Life is a battle and you know what to do.

History.

15 : It happens for the first time. Not knowing what it was, bringing it in with a smile and joy. Treated it with pureness virginity in life. Broken with a lack of trust in between one. He left.

17 : Sweet smile, sweet laughs, sweet expressions seen in every single action done. There was a stop at a moment of silence. Thinking of what to do. Again it opens, calling her in, showing what's inside. Turned out better not staying too long or ended with hurt for both. He left.

19 : For a while it closed. In the darkness he stayed. A light knocked and he opened. There a new star stood asking him to show what he was. With a smile he brought her in. Happiness crawled in day by day. But after a while it fades, feelings flew, covered with illusions. Once again, the steps took him out. He left.

21 : Pushed aside the state of believe in it. Sway into a hole which only one fits. Until under the hotness sun he saw an angel along the way. Out of the hole he went looking. Seeing her, it turned Autumn. Her gave him strength to believe. To trust. To care. Waited with the truth within. Only with a sentence being destroyed. Suffered in burning pain. Everything lost and died. She left.

In the corner now he sat, looking up, and pray. Maybe one day he'll stand again. One day, she would realized that what she saw out there was never real. Heart breakers with a fake self which he knew a very long time ago they are.

A Conclusion : You.

Before :

In Between Time :


Yesterday :


Today :
Undefined.

L O V E

A definition? Or definitions? Love has too many meanings which makes it hard to understand. It can be said as a strong attachment with strong emotional feelings or it may be a virtue representing kindness and compassion. Looking at religious point of view, we can say it is a humble feeling that a human being has towards his/her life that gives the strength to manage one's life.

You see, there are many kind of definitions that we can conclude from the word love but one thing to be remembered is that the act of getting it and having it is the same and will always be, no matter what kind of love you have in mind.

Feeling "love" is not like going to a party and get laid. NO. Getting laid is easy. Drink drunk dance dunk !! But love, it takes time. Well sometimes it doesn't but it is something different. We read too many books about love and we watched too many movies with love titles but do we even know how does it feel to fall in love? LOL if you don't then basically you're not in love or its not there yet.

Love is something that only a heart can feel not your mind. Your mind is able to give you the meaning in facts but not feeling it. The feeling is something that you cannot explain. It is an unconditional feeling that no one in this world can tell how and why they had it. Once you're in love, trust me, you need to get it cuz if you don't then you will suffer. To make it simple, don't let it go. Even if you have to fly 30 000 miles to get it, do it.

But still in between that motion of getting it, you have side effects:

- can't sleep

-can't eat

-can't do shit.

The only thing you will be thinking of is how to get that love. Trying to be the loveman.

Getting worst then you will have to fight it. Or you're done !!

This is not some movies you watch on screen since those movies were written and have endings. Yours? Not yet. You have to make one.

One thing about love, its soft as f***. So don't push it but don't wait too long or it'll fade. Love is like slow dancing , its like you trying to turn on your dance partner. Yeah!! Like that. Red roses on the table won't do nothing. That is just some tradition that we've been doing for thousand of years. Every love out there has its own unique way. So you gotta find it. It sounds easy but trust me, its hard.

Not all the love you feel can be written in your heart. Sometimes there is only one wing working, the other not. If you ask me what to do if that happens then I would tell you this ; a friend of mine said once before, " Bro, fuck her !! ". Another friend of mine said this before as well, " Ade banyak lagi bunga dekat luar tu, ko petik jer, tak best ko buang". Basically, it means that we will always be looking for the best but in between that findings, we will have to get rid of the old ones or there will be no place for the best. So don't kill yourself, or jump off the third floor, just chill and get high. Okay, if you're religious enough, be close to God and from him you will get the path.

Love sucks but its good.

Weed.

What is weed? Marijuana? Cannabis? Its the same thing. Is it wrong to smoke weed? Well we smoke cigarette everyday, why can't we smoke weed instead ? Cigarette is worst than weed in some sense. Weed is a drug? Are you sure? If you say cocaine is a drug, then it would be right because they have some chemical shit in those things but weed? Come on people. Open your eyes. Its a plant that grows, that's all.

It makes you high, yes but only in the sense that it makes you slow in doing stuff. No no, let me rephrase that, it makes you alert in doing stuff. I don't understand why people say drinking alcohol is not that bad as smoking weed. You drink and drive and you might get into trouble but driving on weed would make you careful. Trust me, I've done that like a hundred times. Hello !! Drinking make you lost control of yourself. And you have these terms when you drink, "hangover" and "drunk". Weed? No drunk, no hangover, there is only "high" which I think is a good feeling when you're too bored of doing nothing. No belly, nothing. Its clean.

It is a wrong thing to do considering marijuana as a drug because it is not something that we create from the periodic table like heroine/cocaine. Its just crunched dry leaves that we smoke, that is all. Better off than smoking tar everyday and wasting money on things that give us bad diseases. Let me ask you an out loud question, which one is cooler, smoking cigarette or smoking weed?

Can you die for an overdose? No way. With weed, you know when to stop. Have you ever seen people die because of weed overdose? That is bullshit !!

Side effects? Well from my experience of smoking it, I guess there are only three things :

1) High

2) Hungry

3) Cool as fuck !!

Its good you know !! You might have leftovers in your fridge every time you eat something. Well, smoke weed and see what happens. I see myself standing and being normal everyday so I guess that weed is the shit to smoke, not rokok!!

Since i'm talking about weed a lot, then you should know who's my idol for this. Yes,Bob Marley. My opinion on this guy is that, what he wrote and what he did was absolutely right. No matter what happen, just be yourself and care nothing about all the problems you have. There will always be a way to solve things. This is life ladies and gentlemen. So for you guys out there, try weed once and see whether or not it changes your perception about life.

" Don't worry, Be happy".

Undeniable.

What was the meaning of the golden flower that I gave to you,

When it was given back to me,

And you turned back and flew away,

An insult I had,

Giving me the feeling that my care for you worth nothing.

What was the meaning of the golden flower that you had before,

When you walked away,

And I realized I was hated,

With the courage of you letting the colors of our love,

Making them fade in between your eyes.

For a second I sensed,

Your appearance was only a shadow,

That made me sleepless all night,

Always with the thought of you.

I am still here,

Looking for the colors of a rainbow,

And all I found,

Was a night with no sound and no lights.

It makes me wonder,

Is there still the smell of a flower you had,

The flower with a proven love,

Because when the night comes,

I stop and glare at the stars we used to have.

That rise back up into the sky leaving me no shine.